Transport operators could learn a lot from public speakers about the power of the pause and, when used purposefully, the positive impact of silence.

We are apparently born with just two fears – fear of falling and fear of LOUD NOISES.  These two fears are part of our DNA that we pass from one generation to the next as survival mechanisms.  They have one purpose and one purpose only… the preservation of the human race.

MIND THE GAP! 

Fellow travellers, commuters and everyone who uses public transport in  London, have you stopped listening to those loud and incessant health-&-safety-driven messages. Just pause and please don’t mind the gap.

A while ago now, rail bosses agreed to rid passenger announcements of what they called ‘tosh’, after finding most customers zone out at the first ‘bing-bong’ of the PA system because they consider the information to be largely irrelevant, redundant and repetitive.

Bizarrely, this hasn’t filtered through to TfL.  And to make sure we don’t zone out its pearls of wisdom, TfL has ramped up the volume!

A member of TfL staff once explained to me that the decibel level for its inanities, sorry important messages and announcements, is set at 20% above the ambient sound levels on the platforms or in the trains.  I’m not sure how they gauge the ambient sound, but 20% above seems to vary from…

[VERY QUIETLY] “This train terminates here.  All change.  Thank you for travelling with London Overground.”

… to

[VERY LOUDLY] “This is a customer announcement.  In the interests of security, please keep your luggage and personal belongings with you at all times!  If you see anything suspicious, please tell a member of staff or a police officer.” And now we have the maddening, if well-intentioned addition of “See it. Say it. Sorted!”

One moment, it’s barely audible; the next, [FINGERS IN EARS] “Turn it down, pleeeeease!”

And as if that’s not enough, they seem to want to grind us into the ground by droning on and on and on, relentlessly ignoring the power of the pause!

Please stand behind the yellow line.

Please take extra care with the gap between the train and the platform.  Whatever happened to Mind the Gap?

This is the London Overground Service to Highbury & Islington.  The next station is Canada Water.  Change here for London Underground Jubilee Line.  The next station bit is like a breath of fresh air as the name changes from one stop to the next.

Pause, please! But they don’t stop there!

You must have a valid ticket or Oyster card to use this train.  If you do not, you may have to pay a penalty fare.  Thank you.

Would customers please note that due to a short platform, the rear doors of the last coach will not open.

Would customers please note, you can only alight from the front four coaches as this station has a short platform.

Please ensure that you are travelling in the correct part of the train.  This is coach number 2 of 5.

Every station!  And sometimes in triplicate – just before the station, at the station, on leaving the station!  And if the length of the platform is the only thing that customers should please note, why say the rest!  Would TfL please note, it’s like listening to a robot unravelling! Pause. Take a breath. Stop talking!

No wonder people wear headphones!  Unfortunately, this exacerbates the situation, as TfL ramps up the decibel level even further in an effort to penetrate the passenger sound barrier.

It’s a terrifying experience out there on Transport for London.  I feel utterly bamboozled, battered and bewildered!

But then, sometimes you get lucky and the noise becomes beautiful and humorous sound.  A guard on the Met line recently announced: “I do apologise for the early arrival of this service this morning.  Normal delayed service will be resumed this evening!”

The Jubilee line has a driver who likes to entertain his passengers.  Based on what he sees as people board the train, his dulcet tones have caressed our hearts and ears with things like

Welcome to the Jubilee line this Friday evening.  If you need someone to do your ironing this weekend, have a chat with the lady who has just boarded the third carriage from the front … with an ironing board.  For a sing song, please move to the rear of the train and join the man with his guitar.  I wish I had given the beautiful lady the red roses she is carrying.  Come Monday morning, welcome ladies and gentlemen.  I hope you had a great weekend! These are announcements we can enjoy, humorous messages that make us feel good. And when they have nothing to say, they pause. Silence.

Would TfL please note, drivers can give us so much pleasure

Would TfL please pause, we have no fear of silence

Would TfL please note the rather apposite wisdom of Mark Twain:

“If you have nothing to say, say nothing.”